Short term Dispatcher

I was a stay at home mom for 15 years. On June 5, 2017 I started a job that I had been testing and interviewing a little over a year for. I had read a story about a dispatcher meeting one of their callers and thought, I want to do that! I had heard the Police Scanners in my home for about 15 years, thanks to Chris always listening, so I knew the kinds of calls that came in....or so I thought. The first 2 days were paperwork and taking a tour of the city of Concord. The next 2 days I started "learning" what the job was and what was expected. I got a little overwhelmed just thinking about all the codes and shorthand I had to learn! I remember going home mentally exhausted! The next week I finished learning all about the job and I was completely overwhelmed with can I do this? What was I thinking? How in the world am I going to remember ALL of this stuff? The 10 codes, the 11 codes, the abbreviations, the call types, the disposition codes? On top of all that, there was listening to the officers talk super fast on the radio trying to understand what they were saying to run people out. I prayed a lot! I studied a lot! And I worked hard! At least I thought I was. I was tired all the time. And in the meantime it was summer and so I was trying to be a fun mom too. I was there, but I wasn't really present. I was a shell of what I used to be. My mind was always focused on work. I was thinking so much about the codes that I was dreaming about the codes. Once I finally figured all the codes out, then I dreamed about the calls. I was super focused on the questions I had to ask, and make sure I asked ALL the questions, and the right questions for the type of call it was. I have never been a work situation before where I was watched and monitored the ENTIRE time! At first I listened as my trainer answered the phone calls. Next, my trainer would find out the type of call and if it was something she thought I could handle, I would take over. Mostly alarm calls, noise complaints, and private property tows. Those all had specific questions and were quick calls. The first couple months I answered non-emergency lines. When I thought I was finally comfortable and started answering 9-1-1 calls, I started getting anxious anytime the phone would ring. I would pray before I went to work that I could please know how to handle the calls I would answer today. I would pretty much have to give myself a pep talk before I left for work and all the way to work. I would encourage myself, saying "you can do this, you know the questions you have to ask." I would hang up the phone and cringe, thinking "what did I do wrong this time?" "Was that fast enough?" "Did I spend too much time letting the caller talk to tell me too much info that I didn't need to know?" "Did I forget to ask something important?" "Am I going to have to call them back?" I couldn't even talk to my husband about any of this. Because when I did, he told me "you can do this, you've got this." "Stop being so negative." But he wasn't really listening, and it only made me feel worse and more anxious. So when I realized I didn't "have" this, that my schedule wasn't going to be updated. I tried telling Chris, but he didn't believe me or didn't want to believe it. I told him, no I'm going in and they're going to let me go. He didn't understand all the stress, anxiety, and finally relief I felt when I "lost" the job. I had "lost" it a while before. I also lost me along the way. I wanted this job, I wanted to succeed at this job, but it wasn't for me. And that's what I learned. I really thought I was meant to have this job. I really thought Heavenly Father "helped" me get this job. I was 1 of 2 people who made it through the entire process of tests, interview, background work, and psychological evaluation. It was a HARD process and that was the hardest part to swallow of all of this. Why did I have to go through all of that and not be able to do the job and hold on to it. I was embarrassed and ashamed. My Sergeant over me told me that they have a really high standard, which is good, and only 1 out of 5 makes it through training. She said it says nothing about my intelligence or work ethic. All my trainers mentioned how hard I worked. It just wasn't enough. And because I put forth the effort and was a good employee, they offered me another job in a different department. Somewhere during my training, I had fallen in love with inputting the stolen items into the computer. Everyone else seemed to hate that part. But, I was able to DO those entries, hassle free, on my own, correctly! I told myself, too bad I can't just sit up here and input all their stuff and they all answer the phones. I told the Sergeant on my last day, too bad there isn't an opening in the Records Department, I feel like I did really well at the entries! And I enjoyed that! Turns out she had said the same thing in her Sergeants meeting that morning. And even though there isn't a current opening, several are set to retire soon and there will be openings. So they will let me know when that happens!